Chapter 509 To The Hospital
“Since you hate me so much, why go through all the trouble to come to me? I’ve made my intentions to never call her my mother clear. Isn’t that what you want?”
I did not take Janette’s snide remarks seriously as she was an unimportant person to me.
“If it weren’t for her declining health, do you think I would stoop to come to you? If you have a heart, you would visit your own mother.”
We regarded each other with intense and mutual dislike in the ensuing silence. In a funny way, we tolerated each other’s existence for the same reason—our mother. If Janette was not Alicia’s daughter, I would have already had security escort her out of the building.
“If I have a heart?” I repeated incredulously, my temper rising once more. “Whether or not I pay her a visit isn’t any of your concern. I’ve had enough of you, Janette. Either you leave quietly, or I’ll have security rough you up before throwing you out. I don’t have the patience to be civilized with you.”
“You’ve gone too far, Anna!” she shouted, thoroughly angered at that point. “I’ve already swallowed my pride by coming here to beg you to visit our mother. What else would you have me do?”
“You are the one assuming that I would do that,” I answered coldly. “As I’ve made it clear, I’m never going to reconcile with her. Let me remind you that you came to me today. Weren’t you all high and mighty back then?”
“You’ll regret this, Anna!”
At that final ominous threat, she turned and marched out of my office.
I did not like to be blackmailed. As Janette was already out of earshot, I swallowed the savage retort that was already at the tip of my tongue.
I wondered how many more times I had to deal with this going forward despite having already made my intentions very clear.
However, my heart twinged guiltily at the news of Alicia’s dwindling health.
Despite feeling like I could never forgive her, I did not wish her harm as she was my mother, after all. Though she had done something to hurt me, I could never repay the debt of being nurtured in her womb for ten months.
Over the next couple of days, I did not see Alicia lurking around anymore when I arrived at work. Though it did make me feel more at ease, I could not help feeling a little worried as well. More than once, I caught myself wondering if she was too sick to come to my office.
I tried to dismiss my concern as an unfortunate by-product of the unbreakable bond between mother and daughter. Soon, my worst fears were realized in the form of an abrupt phone call from Janette informing me that Alicia had been admitted to the hospital.
The news heralded a sense of panic I had never felt before in my life. I did not remember feeling as terrified as I did when I pictured her being diagnosed with some awful, incurable disease.
Though I did not admit it to anybody, the news of her hospitalization dissolved some of the resentment I had held onto her for so long. It gave way to an anxious yearning to see her being well again.
After Janette hung up, I felt completely lost in my panicked reverie.
Michael was the first person I thought of. I called him blubbering in tears and he did all he could to comfort me over the phone as he got ready to drive over to see me.
He must have sensed that I was on the verge of a panic attack as he screeched to a halt outside my office building much quicker than it usually took him.
I was shaking when I got into the car. I had never felt as frightened as that moment as I twisted my clammy hands nervously in my lap.
Michael’s brow creased slightly at the sight of my anxiousness. “Nothing will happen to her,” he reassured me in a gentle voice as he reached out to give my hand a squeeze, looking into my eyes as he did so.
“I’ve already called Ronan to arrange for Alicia to receive the best medical attention available. He has just informed me that she was feeling under the weather, that’s all. They didn’t find any serious medical issues on her.”
It wasn’t until I felt the immense weight lifted from my shoulders that I realized how much his words had helped. to soothe my emotion.
After hearing that Alicia was not affected by anything life-threatening, I felt slightly ashamed of how I had overreacted earlier.
Part of the reason why I felt that way was that despite repeatedly voicing my reluctance to reconcile with her, I allowed myself to become jumpy and nervous at the slightest threat to her health. It felt like I had failed to respect my own resolve to treat her like a stranger.
“Oh, what a relief,” I murmured absently, distinctly aware of the extent of my hypocrisy.
As annoyed as I was, the relief that had rushed over me at the news of her well-being made me feel better.
“You obviously care about her,” Michael said seriously without taking his eyes off the road. “Why don’t you try to reconcile with her?”
I glanced sideways at him, suddenly feeling sorry about how confused he must have felt at my conflicting behavior. Despite appearing to care for Alicia, I could never refrain from saying something hurtful to her whenever we met.
“You don’t understand how I’m feeling, Michael,” I complained wearily. “It’s because I care about her that makes the abandonment feel so much more unforgivable. It is so difficult to convince myself that she loves me. Do you understand?”
Admittedly, I felt ready to reconcile with her. I just had trouble putting my wounded pride aside.
I might even accept any reason she could have given me as to why she had to do what she did all those years ago. The one thing I could not accept was that she had given up on me.
“Though I can’t feel what you’re going through,” Michael said as he turned to look at me with a mixture of pity and tenderness. “I understand that you must be feeling awful and betrayed. But it has been over twenty years, Anna. She wouldn’t have come back if she doesn’t love you.”
I gazed back at him. He always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better. And there he was, nudging me toward the path I was most reluctant to take. For the first time, the doubt about my own judgment began to creep into my mind.
“So what even if she loves me?” I asserted stubbornly. “The fact that she had once abandoned me was still the truth.”
I could not deny the fact as I have seen Alicia’s love for me through her eyes. However, it was going to take more than a single apology to mend the damage that she had done to me.
“Don’t you find it tiring to be this spiteful all the time?” Michael snapped, his patience with me finally wearing out. “Haven’t you always wished to experience a mother’s love? You got what you wanted. Your mother is back in your life and eager to get to know you. Maybe if you take the first step to meet her halfway, you may find it much easier to take the next step after you feel how much lighter your burden will become if you could find it within yourself to forgive her.”
His outburst seemed to have shaken me out of the delusion of my own self-pity. I knew that he was the voice of reason whenever I was caught in a dilemma. After all, he wanted the best for me, though I wasn’t sure if I was mature enough to forgive Alicia just yet.
I was ashamed to know that I was being unreasonable. It was difficult to forgive her because I could not let go of the past, not because of how unforgivable Alicia’s transgressions had been.
