Natalie did not agree with my point of view due to her simplistic way of thinking. If two people like each other, they would find a way to be together. If they had no feeling for each other, nothing would work out.
If I could be as brave as Natalie, things between me and Michael might have turned out very differently.
“Enough about me and Michael, Natalie. How’s it going between you and Yuval? Are you together yet?”
Talking about Michael made me feel sad, and I was really sick of feeling that way so I was determined to talk about something else.
At the mention of Yuval’s name, a sense of doubt appeared in Natalie’s eyes.
“What is it? Is there something you can’t tell me? We’re best friends, Natalie. You can trust me.”
I felt a slight twinge of annoyance at her reticence. Being only concerned about her romantic life, I didn’t feel that my question constituted as prying.
“I don’t know how to tell you, Anna. I haven’t figured out how I feel toward Yuval. I can’t even tell if I like him that way. All I know is that I don’t hate him.”
Ever since that trauma with John, Natalie had grown wary of her feelings toward men. Though she appeared to be unmarred by the experience, I knew her well enough to know that it had hurt her deeply.
“If you find him bearable, you could try dipping your toe in and see how you get along with him. If you find that you really don’t like him that much, you could still be friends with each other.”
Though I knew that Yuval was a pretty good guy, it still depended on how much Natalie enjoyed being with him. That was something she had to figure out herself.
After having dinner at Natalie’s, I went home. Whenever I come back to this place, I would always be reminded of all the memories with Michael when he used to be here.
I stood in the living room trying to wrench myself back into the present. But, I found it hard to forget him even after we had ended our relationship. It was a sad truth but I realized that I didn’t even have the courage to let go of our relationship.
With a resigned sigh, I chastised myself for overthinking. After a quick shower, I climbed into bed.
That large bed in the bedroom had been occupied by Michael and me in the past. It bore the memories of the numerous incidences of intimacy between us. Besides, Michael only belonged to me when he was in bed with me.
Lying on the bed, I could still feel the rhythm of his breath next to me despite him being gone for many days. When I closed my eyes and listened, it really did feel like the good old days when he had held me in his arms.
However, the harsh reality reminded me that nothing could ever happen between the two of us.
I shut my eyes tightly, determined not to overthink. The more reluctant I was to let go, the more it hurt me.
The next couple of days were routine and dreadfully boring. The monotony had me believe that my life was withering away before my very eyes.
At the office, Michael had treated me like a complete stranger. He was very clear-cut whenever he spoke to me. Though it was hurtful, I had finally begun to get used to his absence in my life.
One morning when I arrived at work, I found my colleagues gathered around for some gossip.
Being uninterested in matters like these, I did not join them. Instead, I headed straight to my desk.
I turned on my computer and picked up where I left off on the advertisement design that I was working on yesterday. Suddenly, Millie detached herself from the crowd and made her way toward me.
“Anna, you’re such a model employee to be working as soon as you get in. Aren’t you curious about what we’re gossiping about?” Millie said with her arm around my shoulder, a grin on her face.
“No, thank you. I’m not interested in celebrity gossip. Besides, I don’t even recognize half of them,” I replied without looking up, my eyes being fixated on the keyboard on which my hands were flying around drafting a letter.
“We are not gossiping about any celebrity but Mr. Shaw!”
At Millie’s proclamation, my hands and my heart felt as if they have screeched to a halt.
“What about Mr. Shaw?” I asked calmly despite the nervous hammering of my heart.
“Mr. Shaw is getting engaged this weekend! What a juicy piece of news, isn’t it?” Millie was beyond herself with excitement when she spilled the beans.
Unfortunately, that news was more like a knife cutting into my heart, and I felt a hand squeezing my heart so hard it threatened to burst.
“This weekend. That’s pretty sudden, isn’t it?” Despite my best efforts, my voice still trembled at the query.
“Everyone got the news today. Man, what a shocker! Mr. Shaw is actually getting engaged.”
Millie was too busy being in awe at the news to notice my ashen face.
The news of his engagement had occupied my mind to such a degree that my head felt like bursting. There goes my ability to think about work for the rest of the day.
Has he really fallen for Emma to be engaged to her this quickly?
“Anna, what’s going on? You didn’t respond.” Millie gazed at me curiously at my prolonged silence.
“It’s… nothing.” I stared at my shoes in an attempt to hide my despair.
“You have your mind so buried in work that you don’t even seem to care about Mr. Shaw’s engagement,” Millie remarked, apparently displeased that I did not react in the way she had expected me to.
I waited for Millie to leave before turning my gaze toward the CEO’s office. Michael was in there, about to be engaged to Emma in a couple of days.
I had mentally prepared myself for this eventuality, but it still hurt more than I could bear.
The rest of my day was spent in a daze. I had contemplated to barge into Michael’s office to beg him not to go through with the engagement by telling him how I felt a few times. However, I managed to control the irresistible impulse every time. I just didn’t have it in me to do something as brazen as that.
On the way home from work, I opted to walk along the road instead of taking the subway. As I walked, my mind swirled with the news of their engagement.
Being as occupied as I was, I did not notice the Ferrari driving slowly next to me to match my pace. I didn’t even hear the driver tooting his horn obnoxiously, to the chagrin of other pedestrians.
“Anna!” shouted a familiar voice.
I glanced toward the direction of the voice only to see Ronan’s handsome face staring in my direction.
However, I was not in the mood. With merely a glance at him, I continued with my forward march. How nice it would have been if it were Michael who had stopped beside me.
